She's gonna blow
Starting yesterday around 2, I began to feel like I was going to snap. Rage, frustration, impatience built up inside of me. I was controlled and nothing got out, but it feels like it is eating me up inside. There is no catalyst or rhyme or reason for this mood. It just feels like this isn’t the way it was meant to be.
Ok, so it started after getting the TV hooked up to digital cable. Got a good 6 month deal paying about the same as regular cable, to see if we use it much. Spent the morning getting my haircut (a good one) and cleaning around the house. I had the music rocking and I was dancing up a storm. Then the cable guy came. Very polite, courteous, nice guy. That was fine. Then it started. Minor frustrations started to build with figuring out the digital box, the disappointment that is wasn’t EXACTLY as I had pictures it would be. It grew with the boys coming home and playing with the remote and unit when I wasn’t sure how to use it yet and worrying about them breaking it. The intensity continued with as they are nit picking at each other and P is being particularly prone to rudeness right now. Hubby came home and helped P finish his project and I cooked dinner, then I had to wait for them to finish before we could eat and make sure the chicken wouldn’t dry out while waiting. It was at this point that I thought I would try a dash of alcohol to see if that would take the edge (or as I had started to call it, The Raging Bitch Inside) off. Had very little alcohol, and no results. Yes, I suppose I should have tried drinking more, but I know that would have negative physical consequences, burning rash on face was NOT where I wanted to go. I continued to simmer and boil inside, with no help insight. Believe it or not, I slept fine. Woke up to kids rising early, after falling asleep late. Then the next wave hit with the medical insurance confusion over Hubby's elbow injury and the new plans specifics, and it threatens to boil over. There are times that I can roll with the punches, and have a pretty good attitude with frustrations, but not right now.
I know that chipping away at things that I can control and having success with challenges is the only way to silence The Raging Bitch Inside, which means I need to get off my duff and set out to the store, or figure out how the DVD will now “talk” with the digital box or start the laundry.
Thanks for listening!
UPDATE: Things are better now after reading this blogging mom's post. It has culled the beast inside with giggles and tears and snorts and gulps of laughter.