cinnamon spice

a little of this, a little of that, variety is the spice of this blog........

December 04, 2006

Not Lost

I really need to figure out how to use blogger better. I have all these thoughts and ideas and pictures, but no clue how to make it all work. It looks like Greek to me.......Does that mean I am getting old? Anybody know of a workshop or class to learn how to use all this stuff?

So my blogging self disappeared for a while. I am still working on figuring out what I want my blogging voice to be? Do I want it to be a Mom Blog or a Family Blog? Do I want it to be about thoughts and feelings, or do I want it to be just about me? I am I blogging for myself or for an audience? I will continue to explore and figure this all out.

Well, I turn forty in 23 days and I am not freaked one bit. I am totally boring, as I have no "wants" or "wishes" for my fortieth year. Well that is not true, I have wishes and wants, just not things the hubby or boys can purchase or provide me to celebrate the big day. I want to go to Australia and attend the annual tai chi workshop in January. I wish to start the 40's with a body and soul make-over and the will power to eat less and exercise more. Not exactly things you can wrap up in a bow. So the pressure is on now to come up with things that can be given or things to do on my birthday. Just what I wanted, more pressure to think of ideas.

November 09, 2006

She's gonna blow



Starting yesterday around 2, I began to feel like I was going to snap. Rage, frustration, impatience built up inside of me. I was controlled and nothing got out, but it feels like it is eating me up inside. There is no catalyst or rhyme or reason for this mood. It just feels like this isn’t the way it was meant to be.

Ok, so it started after getting the TV hooked up to digital cable. Got a good 6 month deal paying about the same as regular cable, to see if we use it much. Spent the morning getting my haircut (a good one) and cleaning around the house. I had the music rocking and I was dancing up a storm. Then the cable guy came. Very polite, courteous, nice guy. That was fine. Then it started. Minor frustrations started to build with figuring out the digital box, the disappointment that is wasn’t EXACTLY as I had pictures it would be. It grew with the boys coming home and playing with the remote and unit when I wasn’t sure how to use it yet and worrying about them breaking it. The intensity continued with as they are nit picking at each other and P is being particularly prone to rudeness right now. Hubby came home and helped P finish his project and I cooked dinner, then I had to wait for them to finish before we could eat and make sure the chicken wouldn’t dry out while waiting. It was at this point that I thought I would try a dash of alcohol to see if that would take the edge (or as I had started to call it, The Raging Bitch Inside) off. Had very little alcohol, and no results. Yes, I suppose I should have tried drinking more, but I know that would have negative physical consequences, burning rash on face was NOT where I wanted to go. I continued to simmer and boil inside, with no help insight. Believe it or not, I slept fine. Woke up to kids rising early, after falling asleep late. Then the next wave hit with the medical insurance confusion over Hubby's elbow injury and the new plans specifics, and it threatens to boil over. There are times that I can roll with the punches, and have a pretty good attitude with frustrations, but not right now.

I know that chipping away at things that I can control and having success with challenges is the only way to silence The Raging Bitch Inside, which means I need to get off my duff and set out to the store, or figure out how the DVD will now “talk” with the digital box or start the laundry.

Thanks for listening!



UPDATE: Things are better now after reading this blogging mom's post. It has culled the beast inside with giggles and tears and snorts and gulps of laughter.

November 04, 2006

The President called today

The President of the United States called today. Yep, you read right. 9 AM this morning, while we were having breakfast, the President called. He said the Democrats were ruining our country and that I MUST vote republican in the Election on Tuesday. And then I hung up on him.

Ok, I hung up on his recorded message. The kids looked at each other and started laughing at the ridiculousness of the political recorded phone message. They can't believe that anyone thinks that a recorded phone message from anyone, let alone the President of the United States, would have an effect on how I choose to vote.

I am SO sick of the phone calls asking for my vote, or prompting me to feel one way or another about a canidate. My mailbox has been filled the past week with postcards of all sizes (which are getting bigger in size the closer we get to Election Day, like size matters) pleaing for my vote. I am SO tired of all the political commercials that fill the TV programs. I wish I could say that I won't vote for anyone who loads up my answering machine with their candidates message. But if I said that, I wouldn't be voting at all.

We have stopped picking up the phone at this point and just let the answering machine get it. This evening, we are placing bets on whether the next call will be republican, Democrat, Independent or a prop. message. I can't imagine what this will be like in a Presidential Election year. We may choose to disconnect our home phone next fall to avoid that avalanche of calls.

I can't wait for Election Day to be over.

October 26, 2006

Why I Teach

I love teaching! I love the trill of watching a student get "it". I love when ideas of how to convey a movement come to me as if by magic. I love the energy from the group. I love to figure out a new way to get my message across if someone still doesn't get it.

But let me back up. I teach tai chi through North Idaho College's Adult Education, for the last 7 years. Teaching first started out as a way get out of the house and not be "Mom" for a while. But it has become a way for me to connect with other people, an excuse to study more tai chi, and an opportunity to grow, emotionally and spiritually.

My students have shared with me their personal stories of how tai chi has helped them, and well, it just makes me feel good.

It's why I teach

October 19, 2006

I don't get it moments

Ok, I admit it......I am naive. There are times when things seem so complicated and I just think things are so simple. I call these "I don't get it" moments. For example since I was a teen, I have always wondered what would happen if we were to solve international conflicts (wars) with a game of chess instead of killing and fighting. (Yes, I am a pacifist too.) It's an "I don't get moment". I don't get why we have war. I don't get why we don't pay our teachers more to educate our children. I don't get why we can't use the wealth of our nation to cure illness and starvation in our country and the world. I don't get why we continue as a world to destroy our natural resources and burn up our environment.

So with all the ick with Congressman Foley, and parts the media trying to divert our attention elsewhere, I don't get what difference it makes if Foley was abused in the past. He abused is position and did things illegal, period. Gee if I stole a gallon of milk from the store, would I get out of trouble if I told them I was traumatized at a dairy as a child? I just am feeling really mad about this whole thing. He did a bad thing, he should be punished, end of story.

I just don't get it..........................................

October 18, 2006

Overheard at the bus stop

I am a mom of boys, so I value anytime I can be a confidant or adult friend to a young girl. This morning at the bus stop, I was visiting with two sisters. They are new to the neighborhood and I don't know much about their family. It seems as if their home is filled with various relatives, from grandparents, to uncle's that are in middle school, to parents, to a younger sister. They are spunky outgoing girls and are happy to have an adult's attention for a few minutes every morning. Today, we talking about this and that when the older of the sisters brought up the subject of why girls don't play football. My son popped in quickly "girls do play football, mom played when she was a girl" The older sister went on to say that girls don't play tackle football because if she get hit in the chest with the pads on it will cause her to get breast cancer. WHAT???? I asked her where she heard that, after I picked my jaw up off the ground. She said the high school girls next door told her that. We spent the remaining time at the bus stop explaining and discussing why you couldn't get breast cancer from a blow to the chest, no matter how hard you are hit. I hope that high schoolers were teasing the young girls and that they themselves don't think that. It felt scary to me to think how uneducated these young girls may be about a womans health.

October 10, 2006

Morning,

Wow, a morning post from me, this is got to be first, in my short life as a blogger. Today is the perfect fall day, weather wise. Cool (ok really cold) morning, making way for some warmer temps with partly cloudy skies. My maple tree is catching up with my quaking aspen, making for a dramatic red/yellow canopy out back. Fall has always been my favorite time of year. As a child I remember having to write a descriptive story about a perfect day and mine was about walking home from school in the fall. There are so many colors and so many smells and sounds. It is a treat for the senses.

Ok, confession time. I am working on not being a procrastinator. Yes, busy stay at home mom, volunteering at school, teaching tai chi at night, soccer volunteer/activist (yes my own term) has a slight case of procrastination. I hate having things hanging over me to do, but sometimes my internal fears keep me from just getting it over with. Most of these things have to do with phone calls. I admit, as outgoing and "suzy sunshine" as I am in person, I loathe calling people on the phone. I have no idea why. I fear that phone. Sometimes, I bounce right through them, other times I fret and worry and what are people going to think. That is probably the reason I like email so much. It takes the place of those dreaded calls to get or pass on information.

So today I made one of those dreaded phone calls, one that has been hanging over me for days. And guess what? Nothing bad happened. It was fine. With that encouragement, I am off to make some more calls.